September 1, 2010
The title of this blog is often used as a military preparatory command. For my blog purpose I’ll use it in a different way. When was the last time you looked at someones face? I mean really looked at them to see what they are feeling inside. Many times we “look” at people and that’s all we do, we just “look”. Have you ever taken out the time to just look at someone and wonder “are they happy, are they sad, did they have a bad day, are they hurting, are they confused, do they feel pain,” Not too many people will show how they feel on the outside. A lot of people are very good at hiding their emotions. Everything looks great to other people who look at them, when in fact…they could really use a friend.
I have a girlfriend who is an expert on hiding her feelings when I look at her. To look at her, you’d think her life was just so perfect. She wears the nicest clothes, her make up is southern perfect, she smells very nice, she walks with pride, and she drives an expensive car. Sure all these things are material things, but that’s what she’s about. On the outside, she always has to look like she’s the best at everything she does. I never asked her any of this because, well, frankly I can see right through her, so why bring it up? I know that a few years ago her husband cheated on her and yet, to this day she doesn’t talk about it. It’s almost as if nothing happened. I asked her why she never talks about it and she said with a smile of course…”I know I’m the best thing he has, so what he did was a mistake, and I’ve moved on from it, he’ll never be able to find someone to replace me.” That’s what she told me…with confidence.
Two weeks ago, he left her. She called me and she was crying, and I wanted so much to look at her face to see if she really believed what just happened to her. I asked her why he left her and she said she didn’t know. Then I asked her why did he tell you he left you? Then, there was silence on the phone. “Abbey?” I asked. “Are you there?” She whispers in tears to me, “yeah, I’m here”. I said “What’s the matter, why are you crying?” She begins to tell me her story.
“Nikki, you just don’t understand, even if I told you, you wouldn’t understand.” I said “Try me.” So, she begins her story. “Dean told me the reason why he left me was because I showed no emotion and when I did it was usually bitter.” She continues “Am I bitter person, Nikki?” I answer her “Are you?” she replies “I don’t think so, but Dean seems to think so.” I ask “What have you done nice for him lately?” She ‘laughs a little in between tears, “What haven’t I done nice for him? I clean the house, I cook, I do the laundry, I work, I make sure the dogs are fed, I even walk the dogs when he can’t, I’m always doing something for him and it seems like I never do anything for me. I always put him first..always. How does that make me without emotion, Nikki?”
“Abbey, that sounds all very nice and well, really it does. My question to you Abbey is When was the last time you told Dean you appreciated him, or that by having him in your life means everything to you?” Again, I heard silence on the other end and then Abbey chimes in. “He knows that stuff, I married him for crying out loud. He knows I love him and I appreciate him.” I interrupt her “Really?, he does?” Do you appreciate me as a friend Abbey? I ask her. “Of course I do Nikki, you’re my best friend.” I get silent for a moment and I could hear it in her silence, she realized she never told me she appreciated me as a friend. I tell her, “well..you’ve never told me that you do, and when I tell you I appreciate you as a friend you just say thank you.” She replies with tears in her eyes “I’m so sorry…I DO appreciate you.” Then I whisper to her…”Thank you, now go tell Dean that you appreciate HIM too, and look at his face, see that he’s hurting and let him look at yours and let him see you are hurting…it’s what you’re feeling. Let him feel your hurt, and you feel his. Together you will bond, it’s very easy Abbey…it’s About Face.”
When you love someone, let them know. Today is all we have and tomorrow is a gift. Here is a video that I included to give you a reminder of the importance of communication.
If tomorrow never comes…then what?
Until Next Time,